She thinks she’s poet, and now I know it…

Oh my Jebus, I’m still laughing from this hilarious experience…

Aphex Twin WindowlickerA random woman added me on facebook recently, the 1 friend in common was a b-boy I don’t know all that well, so I thought I’d accept her friend request and find out if I had actually met her before. Her profile pictures feature her not so pretty face and half naked body, not dissimilar to this very disturbing Aphex Twin music videoΒ  – Windowlicker as seen in the delightful photo on the right.

She was online so I thought I’d chat to her and find out who she was.

Here’s how the conversation went…

20:39Oliver
hello

20:45Lucy
hey..

20:48Oliver
how do you do?

20:49Lucy
fine thanks… and u??

20:49Oliver
pretty good ta πŸ™‚

21:05Oliver
so do i actually know you?
if so, please enlighten me

21:13Lucy
no.. you don’t know me

21:18Oliver
any special reason why i’m not going to click “Remove from Friends”?

21:18Lucy
don’t do that!!
You look like goood fun.. but a bit young.. I’m a poet..

21:20Oliver
i am goood fun, with 3 o’s
but that’s not the most convincing argument
write me a poem πŸ˜›

21:22Lucy
Oliver your dancin makes me wet
but I bet you can’t beat me in the bed
I wanna tease and show you the way
to give you sex that will make you scream yay!
I’m an older woman as I’m sure you know
but I bet I can make your penis grow!

21:24Lucy
piss poor attempt I know.. but you put me on the spot!

21:24Oliver
hahaha
made me laugh πŸ˜›

21:25Lucy
good!

21:25Oliver
not sure if that was the intention

21:25Lucy
not really.. but its a start!

21:26Oliver
you get a C for effort
but your rhyming skills could have started a bit stronger

21:26Lucy
is that it!!
I thought it was pretty good for an on the spot demand!

21:28Oliver
you’re lucky i said C
i typed D first but thought the effort earned you an extra grade

21:31Lucy
I take it your very creative.. you write a poem for me then!!

21:31Oliver
i never claimed to be a poet πŸ˜›
i do lots of other awesome stuff, but haven’t written a poem for a while

21:35Lucy
what.. do you express yourself with your moves?? and when u say u aint written one for a while.. that impliesd you have written some? please don;t tell me it was for for ur gcse’s?

21:36Oliver
the last time i wrote a poem was probably before GCSE actually haha
old schooool

21:38Lucy
you make me feel old! I love your dancin tho! keep it up! xxx

21:39Oliver
cheers
probably cause you are old πŸ˜›

21:40Lucy
i know.. but with age comes experience baby xx

21:41Oliver
yeah, but you can never be sure whether it’s been good experience
πŸ˜›

21:42Lucy
yeah.. it always is with me”

21:42Oliver
haha
i’ll believe you…
so how ancient are you?

21:49Oliver
i wrote a limerick for you πŸ˜› you’re gonna love it!
are you ready?

Oh Lucy, Lucy, Lucy
you think you’re so damn juicy
unfortunately for you…
your face looks like poo
and you’re older than Debussy

21:59Oliver
probably an A+ don’t you think?

For some reason I didn’t receive a response after that, ha ha!

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I was laughing out loud for each line of her poem she wrote. Ohhhh, dear me, that stuff is amazing! I know my dancing probably excites some girls a little, but to make her wet and want to get me screaming yay, that is quite extraordinary. All in the life of a b-boy… She’s got nothing on my poetic skills though, maybe she realised this and in her shame didn’t want to reply. Thanks for the entertainment though Lucy, who ever you are!

“Remove from Friends” – yes, I shall.

That’s all for today folks, tune in next time when I’ll be demonstrating my other GCSE English Literature abilities… just kidding.

“To be a poet is a condition, not a profession”
– Robert Frost


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